CHICAGO – The only "agent of change" Princess ever supported was the person who freshened the water in her fishbowl. So election officials in Chicago's northern suburbs want to know why voter registration material was sent to the dead goldfish."I am just stunned at the level of people compromising the integrity of the voting process," said Lake County Clerk Willard Helander, a Republican, who said she has spotted problems with nearly 1,000 voter registrations this year.
Someone better wake up JFK, because it looks like the deceased voter-rolls are getting ready to put Obama over the top like they did him. If anyone believes voter fraud and suppression only happens in one party, then I have a bag of shit I want to sell you. Voting in this country has become an embarrassment to our national pride.
I'll use the old adage: we can put a man on the moon--or a large hanger, whatever those idiot conspiracy theorists want to believe--but we can't figure out how to register living, eligible, human beings, and make their vote actually count. How hard is it to build a machine that counts votes. The Ancient Romans had running water, coming from 30-40 miles of aqueducts, yet Joe Shithead, working in East Bum Fuck County middle America, is not given a proper working machine for the most important elections we have.
If we have voter fraud on November 2--you all know we will--then I say we do away with voting, and have a 10-category-Billy-Madison-type contest to decide who will be the next commander in chief. Wouldn't it be great to see Obama vs McCain in the musical category, followed by the 50-yard dash? I'll feel a hell of a lot more comfortable with those results, then trusting our reliable county and local officials.
I know national elections are actually state-by-state elections, but, with a $13 trillion federal budget, when will it be time for the feds to step in and demand some uniformity? If I see another American counting hanging chads, I will be moving up to Montreal, spending my days having the legs and eggs special at Supersex.
Election fraud is further reason why I am voting for Bill Shatner. You go, Denny Crane!
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